Archive for March, 2007

The "Say Something Nice" Challenge

March 30, 2007

The “Say Something Nice” Challenge

Cherish @ Vogue Eyewear Spring/Summer 2007 Collection Event

Rihanna Can’t Stand Under My Umbrella

March 30, 2007

Rihanna Can’t Stand Under My Umbrella

Klingon race rejoice! Your fearless leader has returned with her new single “Umbrella” featuring Jay-Z. I’m suing her ass for stealing a track I made in ’93 on the Casio keyboard I got for X-mas. Speaking of which, her singing reminds me of Heidi Klum’s Christmas carol “Wonderland.”

Random Sanjaya Trivia Fact #610

March 30, 2007

Random Sanjaya Trivia Fact #610

Sanjaya is responsible for the yummy taste of Chick-Fil-A lemonade. Every Sunday morning a 16 year old boy resembling a greasy version of The Iron Sheik comes over to Sanjaya’s residence to squeeze his nipples to extract the succulent secretions. This key ingredient explains the phenomenon behind why the lemonade never looses its tangy taste.

Besides, why do you think the joint is really closed on Sundays for, Jesus? Pfft. Sanjaya is a true gift from Virgo. You hoes just jealous.


Downward Facing Dog

March 30, 2007
Downward Facing Dog

A happy Brandy was seen leaving her yoga class in L.A. yesterday. I hope she is able to receive some type of solace from practicing the ancient exercise because I can’t get into it. During my sessions I usually break wind once or twice and then curl up in fetal position, taking a nap on my sticky mat. You probably didn’t care to read that.

Karl Rove Does The Green Bean Casserole

March 30, 2007

Karl Rove Does The Green Bean Casserole

At the annual Radio/Television Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Wednesday, George W. Bush’s top weed carrier Karl Rove got his two step on. It was quite the depressing sight, check it.

Who’s Next?

March 29, 2007

Who’s Next?

Gather around bitter biatches. Its time to play America’s new favorite past time – – Wheel of Illegitimate Fortune. Today’s contestant is Kali Bowyer, a 35 year old Californian woman who claims that she has a 13 year old son by comedian Chris Rock.

Chris Rock isn’t laughing about one woman’s claims he fathered her son.The comedian has been hit with DNA demands from a woman who insists her teenager is Rock’s love child.

Kali Bowyer, 35, insists her alleged ex-boyfriend’s DNA will help in determining why her 13-year-old son, Jordan, suffers from seizures. She tells the National Enquirer, “From the time Jordan was born until he was three, I was talking to Chris’ lawyer, trying to get this resolved, but I kept getting brushed off.

“I complied, I was nice, and I was patient, but in the end Chris still refused to acknowledge paternity.

“I don’t want a dime for myself but support for my son… He knows what’s going on (and) he told me… ‘I don’t need him in my life, just take the test so I can find out what’s wrong with me.'”

Bowyer, who briefly dated Rock in the early 1990s when she was at college in Los Angeles and the funnyman was an aspiring comedian, insists she’s not out to upset her ex’s family life or his marriage to wife Malaak.

She adds, “Take five minutes, tell your wife you’re out for a cup of coffee, go to the doctor’s office and get the DNA test done.” (source via ONTD)

That’s enough. I don’t know what homegirl is talking about but I’m trying to get paid. You didn’t know? I have baby daddy issues of my own.

Tomorrow morning I’m going down to my lawyer’s office to file “them papers” against Dabnis Brickey. We have a 15 year old daughter together and he hasn’t done anything for her but provide her with a life full of grief. Oh, and let it be known that I’m the real reason why Dabnis and Vanessa broke up. Don’t pay attention to the gossip on the streets.

Afternoon Snack

March 29, 2007

Afternoon Snack

JJ and his wife leaving their London hotel

I would cut The Dealer off for a chance encounter with Mr. Jackson. I mean, I wouldn’t break up completely with him but I would put his ass on the back burner in a New York minute to spend some time with JJ.

Now that’s some high quality sweet action right there.

I bet if you were to bitch slap the side of his neck you could use his sweat as a skin moisturizer. How many people reading this can honestly say that they wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to include Jermaine Jackson in their daily grooming ritual, huh? Listen, if you claim otherwise you’re not only lying to me but you’re lying to yourself. Don’t live in denial, join the love train. You don’t need a ticket just get on board.

Video of Beyonce’s Pussycat Leaked To The Net

March 29, 2007

Video of Beyonce’s Pussycat Leaked To The Net

You don’t know how much satisfaction I just received from typing that title. My destiny has been fulfilled.

I’m not sure if this is a teaser to the video for “Kitty Cat” or if it’s the actual clip but whatever the case it sure looks . . . interesting. Check it.

Don’t forget the B’Day video anthology hits YouTube stores on Tuesday, April 3.

FYI . . .

March 29, 2007

FYI . . .

Did you know that Golden Brooks is contractually obligated to look like a piece of piping hot shit at any events non-related to the CW? It’s true, I have the documents right here on my desk to prove it.

Gosh I love this woman. She makes this my job so much easier.

Christina Milian, Lauren Conrad (my inner Becky can’t get enough of The Hills), Meagan Good, David Banner and others all came out to the Oakley Women’s Eyewear Launch Party in West Hollywood last night.

It’s pretty bad when Lil’ Jon comes to a party looking better than you, Golden.

Sharpton, Simmons And Others Will March Against Tony Yayo

March 29, 2007

Sharpton, Simmons And Others Will March Against Tony Yayo

Al Sharpton, Russell Simmons, Dr. Benjamin Chavis and other community and religious leaders are planning a march to protest the alleged actions of G-Unit rapper Tony Yayo.

Billed as a “call to action and public grievance,” the rally is planned for Monday as a response to the artist’s alleged assault on the 14-year-old son of hip hop rival Jimmy “Henchman” Rosemond, head of Czar Entertainment.

Yayo, whose real name is Marvin Bernard, pleaded not guilty on Sunday to misdemeanor charges of harassment and endangering the welfare of a child. He is accused of repeatedly pushing and smacking James Rosemond and causing injury to his ear and face.

Since everyone is in the mood to walk it out, I hope they do the same for Shaquanda Cotton, the 15 year old girl who sentenced to 7 years in prison for shoving a hall monitor at her high school.

I’ve been meaning to march in protest againt Yayo since he said that “ladies tell the truth you know I’m cute” bullshit on “So Seductive.” Fight the power, ya’ll.