Archive for July, 2005

With Chickens Like These

July 30, 2005

With Chickens Like These

Hopefully not coming to a UPN time slot near you (and we all know UPN stands for Under Paid Niggas), With Friends Like These.

Starring real life hip hop star Trina, With Friends Like these…focuses on the trials, loves and tribulations of fictional character Cleo Taylor (25) as she runs a Miami beauty salon named Hair We Are. When we first meet Cleo she is the owner for one of Miami’s top modeling agencies. With beauty, money and brains, she seems to have it all going for her. On what turns out to be a nightmare morning, Cleo awakens to find her house completely stripped of everything by the IRS. An agent explains to a stunned Cleo, that her longtime boyfriend/partner ran their agency into the ground by embezzling and not filing any taxes. With nowhere to go, Cleo turns to her two childhood friends for help- Suzanne Good (24) a conservative, Caucasian and legal assistant, and Kylie Davis (25) a dizzy and gorgeous Dominican/Black model.

Just as everything is ripped away from Cleo, a miracle happens just as quickly. Cleo learns that her distant Aunt Stephanie has died and left her a beauty salon in need of a lot of work. Waiting in the wings to take over her salon is a former nemesis of Cleo’s aunt, Naomi Gladstone. Owner of a chain of salons targeted toward African-American Women, Naomi (40) is curvy, sassy and comes with lots of attitude and insults toward Cleo. But Cleo will not give up that easily. With the help of her friends, her aunt’s ghost, a former stripper hairstylist and a diva stylist named Franklin, Cleo is ready to take on Naomi and the world in her new venture.


Thirst No More

July 30, 2005
Thirst No More

Miles Thirst, the Sprite character introduced in February 2004 by WPP Group’s Ogilvy & Mather, is being phased out of the brand’s advertising, sources said, and the company is poised to invite Ogilvy and undisclosed others to present new ideas and a tagline to replace the 11-year-old “Obey your thirst” positioning. Coca-Cola spent $25 million in U.S. media on Sprite brands from January to May 2005, per Nielsen Monitor-Plus. Ogilvy here referred calls to the client. A Coke representative declined to comment. The moves are a precursor to a complete overhaul as brand executives mull a 2006 celebrity-driven brand relaunch with a package change and new flavor profile, sources said. Sources said NBA star LeBron James (paired with Miles in work currently on air) would continue to appear in ads for Sprite.

(source courtesy of my latest AIM buddy, James)
All I have to say is its about fucking time! Could you believe this mofo has his own website? What, are people supposed to post on message boards about the crisp taste of Spit? (yes, Spit)All of this added to the joy of Free and AJ’s run finally being over at 106 to the WB finally getting rid of that blackface jiggin’ frog. It’s been a great week for me! But yo, I had no idea Howard from The Cosby Show was Miles’ voice. My lawd, we all have a little extra coon in us waiting to escape.

Buzz Notes Quickie

July 30, 2005
Diddy Tapped To Host, Kanye To Perform A New Single From Late Menustration, and Lil’ Jon Scores At The VMA’s

Missy Elliott, Kanye West, John Legend and Ciara were all nominated for multiple awards at the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards. The 22nd annual awards show is being held in Miami, Florida for the second year in a row, and will be hosted by Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. Kanye West is also slated to perform a new single from his highly anticipated sophomore album Late Registration.

Missy Elliot and Gwen Stefani lead the pack this year with a total of six nominations, while Kanye West, John Legend, Ciara and Ludacris received three nominations and Snoop earned two. The Game, 50 Cent, Common, Alicia Keys, Amerie and The Ying Yang Twins were also nominated for awards.

It was also announced that this year will be the first year that the VMAs will be scored with original music composed by Lil Jon and producer Mike Shinoda, of 3-time VMA winner Linkin Park. “Every year we have to out do ourselves and this year is no exception – the VMAs will be experienced in more places and on more platforms than ever before in our history,” said Christina Norman, President of MTV said in a statement. “Between Diddy, who is the ultimate showman & entertainer, and the diverse roster of performers already locked in, this show is already shaping up to be an unforgettable end of summer bash.”

Quick Buzz Notes

– Yes, that is a pair of draws with the infamous “crack is wack” one-liner. Who wants a pair?

– For only $2.49 you can whoop that trick everytime he/she calls your phone.

This is sorta amusing. In a I-used-to-have-my-own-Saturday-morning-cartoon now-I’m-a- gospel-gangsta sorta way.

– Finally I would like to say that this is white trash at its finest.

I hope this shit ain’t real.

Ricky Williams = A Hot Mess

July 29, 2005
I Was Gonna Wash My Ass, Then I Got High . . .

Ricky looks like he should be banging on the bonjo’s for Arrested Development? Mr. Wendel yeeaaaahhh… (Suezette is crazy!)

Fresh’s Two Cents On: Net Celebrities

July 28, 2005
Fresh’s Two Cents On Wannabe Net Celebrities

Yo, what’s up with some of these cats on the internet now days? I like to refer to them as net celebrities. The type of folks who are popular online but NOBODY know their ass exists in real life. Come off of it! If you feel like this is a diss towards you than you softer than that nigga who cried his ass off the football field the other day. Seriously, I’m not digging the “elite cliques” that I’ve been noticing lately. I realize back then they didn’t link me, now I’m hot they all want to (that shit didn’t rhyme at all) and I don’t like it one bit. I used to email folks to say “hello” and “I enjoy your site, keep up the good work” and these negroids didn’t even reply back to the girl! Well, all except these lovely two ladies. Now I go to check my inbox and see tons of emails from they ass. I’m confused!

I’ve been the same site from day one when I had Lil Jon’s monkey ass as a header and was mistaken for a fan site. So please stay of the t-i-p of my clit. Spam busters bitch!

Moving along, someone tipped me off that Free will no longer be hosting 106 & Park along side A.J. anymore and I’m elated. Yes! Now if they can only get rid of his ass along with Melyssa Ford, oops, “Melyssa”, I would be one happy negro. I would be even happier if they redecorated that damn set.

Rappers Who Look Slightly Retarded

July 27, 2005
Rappers Who Look Slightly Retarded

So I’m sitting in front of the idiot box the other day watching Wack City in total disgust. First of all, where in the hell did they find this Mad Linx character? The muthafucka I had the accident with (I got a lot of animosity about that whole ordeal, sorry) can do a better job hosting. Hell, AJ’s rasta-impasta looking ass can run laps around his ass. Yeah he’s alright but he’s not real. True, Tigger did get on my last fuckin nerves with all that “cousin” shit (its bad enough most white people think we’re “all related” and “look alike”) but this nigga takes the cake. He’s not bad on the eyes or nothing like that but looks can’t cover lameness. Sorry.

Anyways, I started to notice a pattern that made my eyes bleed. What’s up with all these rappers who look slightly retarded? And why most of them gotta be from my region, down south? Hell to the nah!

Webbie – Ahhh, my first victim. What can I say? This negroid looks like the love child of Juvenile + Mannie Fresh. He very well might be with him being from the N.O. and all. First he tells a girl to give him that pussy now he showers her with accolades by calling her a bad bitch. How lovely.

Slim Thug – Fresh loves a tall glass of water. Saying that I mean I have a “thing” if you want to call it that for men who are 6’4″ and up. So as I was strolling through the mall last year around Super Bowl time I couldn’t help but notice a 6’6″ brother from a far. The closer he got the more I started to think to myself (and as Charlie Murphy would say) “wow, this nigga got a big fuckin’ head”. I didn’t know at the time he was indeed “famous” until later on that day. Now I would classified Slim Thugga as being that quiet, soft retard. For example, the one who plays on the football team who’s cool with everyone but is in the remedial classes on the end of the hall. Everybody went to high school with one! Nigga got the same teacher all day long . . .

Mike Jones – It doesn’t help that he is always repeating his name every other bar. I wonder about him sometime.

Lil WayneWhere have I seen this face before? Now I’m not going to sit here and front like I’ve never listened to a Lil’ Wayne cd before, so whatever. But I’ve always thought that this young punk looked pretty damn ugly. My best friend in high school thought totally opposite of myself and was straight sick with his martian looking ass! This girl had Lil’ Wayne sheets, posters, shirts, and other misc. bull. Over time however she’s calmed down with her love but damn. Why?

Jacki-O – Once again, another rapper who looks dumb as hell. I’m going to put Jacki in a category similar to Slim’s. Everyone also went to school with that one chick who could dress her ass off but was dumber than a brick. Walking around in Gucci loafers but can’t find the adverb in a sentence.

Ying Yang Twins – No comment.

So, did I miss anybody?

Work It Out

July 27, 2005

Trina = Desperate Hoodrat

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and / Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this / Give head, stop breathe, get up, check your weave . . . .

Now, I’m not saying anything about being blessed with the thickness – – hell, Hollywood needs more, but ummm, that bathing suit picture is just wrong.

That girl will be on that show one day playing in a very non-important role. One day.

Jesus Is The Homie

July 26, 2005

Jesus Is The Homie

Yeah, shit’s been dead around here for a day or so. That’s because ya girl-girl (been listening to too much Dipset kids, sorry) has been down and out lately thanks to a lil’ automobile accident. I’m okay though so you don’t have to pray for me like Omarion. No major damage was done to me or the car, but it does have a FUGLY ass scratch on the back. Not to mention I tried to patch that shit up to no avail, oh well!

Maybe I should write a rap song about posting with my jaw wired shut. Even though it isn’t, you know. Throw Wac Arnold’s name in a few times and make some extra dough.

Buzz Notes

July 23, 2005
Buzz Notes

Yeah, What He Said
What happens when you mix together five Hispanic looking crack babies, you get the non hit making group B5. Besides shopping at the Salvation Army, their hobbies include walking girls home from school, screaming, dancing atop buses, and sounding a damn mess. They all look like rejected models for the weekly Wal-Mart newspaper insert. Please send them back to the orphanage from which they came.
I’m glad someone feels the same way as myself. We all have Puffy to thank for this.

Nelly Becomes To 10,000th Rapper To Ink A Shoe Deal
Reebok is becoming as much of a music label as it is a shoe company. Why haven’t they started a label yet. To follow in the lines of S. Carter and 50 Cent, Nelly has just inked a very nice deal with Reebok to develop his own shoes and accessories. The launch of Nelly’s new line will hit some stores by the end of 2005 and then grow in 2006. I personally think it looks like a shoe from Wal Mart my Granny wears while she shucking peas on Saturday evenings.

Ike and Tina Back Together

Made you look like Nasir Jones. Akeelah and the Bee centers on a precocious eleven-year-old girl, Akeelah Anderson (Keke Palmer), from south Los Angeles, who is discovered to have a talent for words. In spite of the objections of her mother Wanda (Angela Bassett), Keke enters a spelling contest. Her gift takes her to compete in the National Spelling Bee, the most famous competition of its kind in the world. On the way, she is helped by a forthright, mysterious teacher, Dr. Larabee (Laurence Fishburne) and a cast of colorful characters from the community. Her journey evokes pride in the neighborhood, bringing them together and, in the end, all witness the courage and inspiration of one amazing little girl.
Free At Last, I Suppose
A few post back I commented on the wonderful world of airbrushing. Well check your girl Free out.

Being Bobby Brown Episode Five Summary

July 23, 2005
Being Bobby Brown Episode Five Summary

This week’s episode was weak and full of more coonin’ than usual. I’ll may do a recap post later. For those who weren’t able to tune in let me be the first to tell you that you didn’t miss shit. Plus Bravo airs the show every four hours religiously.